You aren’t alone…
So how do you know if you’ve been abused in church?
What does abuse look like in the church?
And what can you do to start healing?
On this page we have broken down the many types of abuse seen in churches and how they can look specifically in the church.
At the bottom of this page you’ll find the newest Assemblies of God Policy on Spiritual Abuse effective since Fall 2025.
You can find the XA Lions Den and their work for the Chi Alpha Sexual Abuse Scandal here,
How It Feels for Victims
Constantly questioning their worth or salvation.
Feeling unable to make decisions without leader approval.
Fearful of leaving the church or speaking out.
Experiencing anxiety, shame, or spiritual confusion.
Feeling like God is harsh, angry, or impossible to please—because of the way He was represented.
Examples in Practice
A pastor telling someone they’ll be cursed if they leave the church.
Leadership silencing victims of misconduct with “forgive and forget” rhetoric.
A small group leader using “accountability” to control private aspects of someone’s life.
A church teaching that only their pastor’s interpretation of scripture is valid.
Parents or leaders using the Bible to justify physical punishment or neglect.
At its core, spiritual abuse distorts God’s character and replaces grace, love, and freedom with control, fear, and shame.
What is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse is a form of abuse where someone uses faith, scripture, God, or spiritual authority to control, manipulate, or harm others. It often happens in churches or religious settings when leaders, members, or systems misuse spiritual power for their own gain, rather than to serve and uplift others.
What can Spiritual abuse look like in the church?
Here’s what it can look like in the church:
Characteristics of Spiritual Abuse
Misuse of Authority: Leaders demand unquestioning obedience, claiming they “speak for God” or that disobedience to them is disobedience to God.
Fear and Guilt Tactics: Using shame, fear of hell, or threats of divine punishment to control people.
Suppression of Questions: Discouraging doubts or hard questions, framing them as rebellion, lack of faith, or sin.
Elitism and Exclusivity: Teaching that their church or leader is the “only true way” to God, isolating members from other communities or beliefs.
Exploitation: Pressuring members to give excessive amounts of money, time, or service, often to the detriment of their personal health or family.
Silencing Victims: Covering up misconduct (like sexual or financial abuse) by urging silence in order to “protect the church’s reputation” or “not cause division.”
Twisting Scripture: Quoting Bible verses out of context to justify controlling behavior, gender roles, or suppression of dissent.
Identity Control: Pressuring members to conform in dress, relationships, or life decisions under the guise of “God’s will.”
How It Feels for Victims
Walking on eggshells, never knowing what will set the abuser off.
Feeling worthless, unloved, or “not good enough.”
Doubting their own memory, judgment, or sanity.
Fear of expressing needs, emotions, or opinions.
Anxiety, depression, or chronic self-doubt.
Feeling “stuck” because leaving feels impossible or dangerous.
Examples in Practice
A spouse mocking their partner’s appearance or intelligence.
A parent saying “you’re useless, just like your father/mother” repeatedly.
A friend constantly threatening to leave the relationship unless you comply.
A leader saying, “No one else would ever love or accept you like we do.”
A partner accusing you of being “crazy” whenever you raise a concern.
At its core, emotional abuse attacks a person’s sense of identity, safety, and dignity. Unlike healthy conflict, where issues are addressed without attacking worth, emotional abuse uses words and silence as weapons to control and diminish.
What is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse is a pattern of non-physical behavior, such as criticism, manipulation, humiliation, control, or neglect, that is used to dominate, diminish, or isolate another person. It undermines their self-worth, creates fear, and damages their emotional and psychological well-being.
Unlike disagreements or occasional hurtful words, emotional abuse is ongoing, intentional, and used as a tool of power and control.
What can Emotional abuse look like in the church?
Characteristics of Emotional Abuse
Constant Criticism or Belittling: Regularly putting someone down, mocking them, or making them feel “less than.”
Gaslighting: Denying events, twisting the truth, or making someone doubt their memory, feelings, or sanity.
Control: Dictating what someone wears, who they talk to, how they spend their time, or even how they think.
Isolation: Cutting someone off from friends, family, or support systems.
Withholding Affection: Using love, approval, or attention as a bargaining chip (“I’ll only love you if…”).
Silent Treatment: Ignoring someone as punishment, refusing to engage in communication.
Humiliation: Shaming in private or public settings.
Unrealistic Expectations: Demanding perfection, setting someone up to fail, or shifting standards so the target can never “win.”
Blame Shifting: Always making the victim responsible for problems, even when it’s not their fault.
How It Feels for Victims
Confused about what’s real or true.
Dependent on the abuser for validation, decision-making, or permission.
Afraid to trust their own thoughts or instincts.
Isolated and cut off from supportive relationships.
Feeling trapped, powerless, or like escape would bring punishment.
Experiencing anxiety, depression, PTSD-like symptoms, or dissociation.
Examples in Practice
A leader constantly insisting “that never happened” until the victim doubts their memory.
A leader monitoring members’ messages, finances, or private lives to control them.
A parent repeatedly telling a child they are “crazy” or “imagining things” when they express concerns.
An abuser threatening to harm themselves or expose secrets if the victim leaves.
Someone rewriting events to make the victim appear at fault every time.
Key Distinction from Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse primarily attacks feelings and self-worth (e.g., insults, humiliation, guilt).
Psychological abuse primarily attacks thoughts, perception, and autonomy (e.g., gaslighting, control, isolation).
They often overlap, but psychological abuse is usually more covert, strategic, and disorienting, designed to make the victim question their entire reality.
What is Psychological Abuse?
Psychological abuse is a pattern of deliberate behaviors that use manipulation, intimidation, isolation, and control to erode a person’s sense of reality, independence, and self-worth. It targets the mind and perception, often leaving the victim confused, powerless, and unable to trust themselves.
What can psychological abuse look like in the church?
Characteristics of Psychological Abuse
Gaslighting (Extreme Form): Repeatedly making someone doubt their memory, perceptions, or sanity.
Mind Games: Changing stories, shifting blame, or setting traps to confuse the victim.
Control of Information: Withholding important details, lying, or manipulating facts to control decisions.
Isolation: Cutting someone off from family, friends, or outside perspectives so they rely solely on the abuser.
Threats and Intimidation: Suggesting harm, abandonment, or exposure to keep control.
Erosion of Identity: Undermining someone’s confidence in their thoughts, abilities, or decisions.
Creating Dependency: Making the victim believe they can’t survive, succeed, or function without the abuser.
Invasion of Privacy: Monitoring communications, tracking movements, or controlling personal access to money and resources.
How It Feels for Victims
Deep confusion: “Was this love, attention, or abuse?”
Guilt and shame, believing they somehow caused it.
Fear of not being believed, especially if the abuser is respected.
Feeling spiritually broken, abandoned by God, or unable to pray.
Distrust of church, leaders, or any authority figures.
Trauma symptoms: depression, anxiety, PTSD, or disassociation.
Examples in Practice
A pastor convincing a congregant that a sexual relationship is “God’s will” or “part of healing.”
A youth leader grooming a teenager with gifts, attention, and secret communication, then escalating to sexual contact.
A church staff member coercing sexual favors in exchange for ministry opportunities or support.
Leadership telling a victim to forgive, stay quiet, or “not ruin the reputation of the church.”
A clergy member exposing themselves, making sexual comments, or using counseling sessions as a cover for abuse.
What is Sexual Abuse?
Sexual abuse in the church is any sexual act, contact, or exploitation that occurs without consent, often involving manipulation, coercion, or the abuse of spiritual authority. It includes both physical acts and non-physical exploitation (like inappropriate sexual conversations or exposure).
When committed by church leaders, volunteers, or members, it is especially damaging because it betrays sacred trust and distorts God’s name to cover sin.
What can sexual abuse look like in the church?
Characteristics of Sexual Abuse in the Church
Abuse of Authority: A pastor, leader, or mentor using their role to pressure or coerce sexual acts.
Grooming: Building trust through attention, gifts, mentorship, or “special treatment” to make the victim more compliant.
Secrecy and Shame: Telling victims to “keep it between us” or that “God would be angry” if they speak out.
Spiritual Manipulation: Using scripture, prayer, or claims of divine approval to justify or excuse abusive acts.
Victim-Blaming: Suggesting the victim was “tempting,” “too affectionate,” or at fault for the abuse.
Cover-Ups: Leaders or churches silencing victims to “protect the ministry” or avoid scandal.
Exploitation of Vulnerability: Targeting those who are young, new to faith, in crisis, or seeking counsel.
Legal Protections in the U.S.
Laws vary by state, but many have recognized that adult clergy sexual abuse is not simply an “affair” — it is abuse of authority. Some legal frameworks include:
Clergy Sexual Exploitation Laws: Several states (e.g., Minnesota, Texas, and others) have statutes making it illegal for clergy to engage in sexual conduct with someone they are counseling or providing pastoral care to.
Professional Misconduct Laws: Some states categorize clergy like therapists, prohibiting sexual contact during or after counseling relationships.
Civil Remedies: Survivors can often sue churches or denominations for negligence if leaders knew about abuse and failed to act.
Mandatory Reporting: Many states require clergy to report suspected abuse (though some have “clergy-penitent privilege” exceptions).
Consent & Power Dynamics: Even when an adult “agrees,” some states recognize that consent is compromised when a clergy member exploits spiritual authority, making it legally classified as abuse.
What is Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse?
Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse (ACSA) happens when a pastor, priest, or other religious leader engages in sexual contact or conduct with an adult congregant where there is an imbalance of power, trust, or authority. Even though the person is an adult, it is not considered a truly consensual relationship because clergy hold spiritual authority, influence, and often confidential access (through counseling, prayer, or mentorship).
What makes it abuse in the church? (even with adults)
Power Imbalance: Clergy are seen as spiritual authorities who speak for God, which can make adults vulnerable to manipulation or coercion.
Exploitation of Trust: Adults often seek clergy during times of grief, trauma, or vulnerability; using that trust for sexual purposes is exploitative.
Spiritual Manipulation: Abusers may use scripture, prayer, or claims of God’s will to pressure adults into sexual acts.
Assemblies of God
Spiritual Abuse Policy
This is AG official policy since August 2025: "Disciplinary Guidelines for Misuse of Spiritual Authority". AG credentialed ministers can now be disciplined for spiritual abuse, even losing credentials. This has been sent to all 66 districts. If you believe you have been spiritually abused by an AG credentialed minister, contact his/her district and ask what should you do. If you are being abused by your district or national leadership please reach out to us, we would love to support you through that directly.
-------------------------------------------------------
Disciplinary Guidelines for Misuse of Spiritual Authority
The purpose of this document is to provide guidelines for considering disciplinary action for misuse of spiritual authority. Possible charges under Article X of the Bylaws could include:
• Moral or ethical transgression other than sexual misconduct
• Blatant misrepresentation of our Pentecostal testimony
• An assumption of dictatorial authority over an assembly
(Above categories are listed in the General Council Bylaws, Article X. Discipline, Section 3. Causes of Disciplinary Action, p. 66.)
Definitions
From Assemblies of God Position Paper (on www.ag.org) --
Spiritual abuse is the use of spiritual authority (a position of authority, a community, Scripture, etc.) to control* an individual. Spiritual abuse (1) occurs in a spiritual context, (2) is exemplified by a desire to lord one’s authority over others (Matthew 20:25–26, 1 Peter 5:3), (3) is often marked by persistent behavior, and (4) causes harm whether intended or not.
Hagar’s Voice (Organization who supports survivors of clergy sexual abuse) Spiritual abuse is the misuse of spiritual authority, language, or practices to manipulate, control, or silence others. In Christian spaces, it often includes misusing Scripture about divine calling to justify harm or discourage questioning.
Diane Langberg – (Christian psychologist and author) Spiritual abuse is using that which is sacred—including God’s Word—to control, misuse, deceive, or damage a person created in His image.
What Misuse of Spiritual Authority Is Not
Not every action that influences others in a spiritual context is abusive. God has ordained spiritual leaders to enrich, disciple, or grow others though those encounters and experiences may be uncomfortable at times (2 Corinthians 7:9–10). Christian communities need spiritual authorities to encourage, confront, teach, correct, edify, and rebuke (2 Timothy 3:16 to 4:2). The apostle Paul gave a wonderful example of a leader able to rebuke lovingly through his letters (Romans 2; 1 Corinthians 1; 2 Corinthians 11; Galatians 1). A spiritual leader who corrects in love is following God’s call.
_______________________
*Indicates that the term is defined in the glossary at the end of the document.
Misuse of Spiritual Authority
Misuse of spiritual authority may include:
1. Inappropriate appeals to God’s authority (misusing Scripture, personal prophecy, etc.) to control others.
2. Excessive public or personal praise, sometimes known as love-bombing,* as a form of manipulation (e.g., making an example of someone as a form of manipulation).
3. Correcting publicly what should be done privately as a means to humiliate or shame someone. 4. Using intimidation tactics to create fear of being removed from the spiritual leader’s favor or isolated from peers.
5. Misuse of accountability and excessive or controlling practices (e.g., overprogramming so people cannot choose how to spend their time or make their own life decisions).
6. Retaliation against a person for making a good-faith report or for participating in an investigation regarding a minister for alleged misconduct.
7. Manipulating or shaming a person to question their own value as an image-bearer of God and whether they can hear from God. Sometimes, the spiritual leader causes someone to question their own perception, memory, or sense of reality, commonly known as gaslighting.*
Disciplinary Levels and Guidelines
Level 0 – No Misuse of Spiritual Authority: The complaint does not qualify as misuse of spiritual authority but falls under the category of “What Misuse of Spiritual Authority Is Not” listed above. While the complainant may feel hurt or upset, it is determined that the minister was simply bringing correction in a biblically appropriate manner.
Recommended Action: No action recommended.
Level 1 – Conduct That Could Lead to Spiritual Abuse if Not Confronted: After looking into the matter, the complaint appears to be an isolated incident and is not abusive in nature. Harmful mistakes in ministry may reflect immaturity or growth areas rather than rising to the level of a chargeable offense. However, this is an opportunity to correct and mitigate the chance of this occurring in the future.
Recommended Action: No suspension required; minimum of three months consultation with an experienced pastoral mentor approved by the district.
Level 2 – Spiritual Abuse: Level 2 is characterized as a misuse of spiritual authority rising to the level of spiritual abuse. It is determined that the spiritual abuse is persistent or involves multiple spiritually abusive practices bundled together.
Recommended Action: Minimum of a one-year restoration program, with six months suspension, and a minimum of six sessions of counseling with a licensed professional counselor trained and skilled in the area of spiritual abuse.
Level 3 – Spiritual Abuse: This category is similar to Level 2 but is more severe. The abuse has been persistent, involves multiple complaints, and incorporates multiple spiritually abusive practices. The minister has a history of not being accountable to the appropriate leadership and not taking ownership for his/her behavior but blaming others and gaslighting.*
Recommended Action: Minimum of a two-year restoration program, with one year suspension, and twelve sessions of counseling with an approved clinician (licensed professional counselor skilled in this area). The district may choose to recommend dismissal if the minister is unrepentant or if there is a factor that rises to the level of dismissal.
The following factors should be considered in determining between Levels 2 and 3:
• Gravity of abuse
• Isolation/persistence/pattern
• Extent of harm to person
• Extent of harm to the Fellowship/body
• Level of repentance
• Number of substantiated complaints
• Number of abusive practices
• Prior disciplinary action
• Resistance to accountability
Level 4 – Mandatory Dismissal
The minister is spiritually abusive and unrepentant or completely unaware of his/her personal behavior patterns in a way that makes restoration unlikely. This could involve highly narcissistic or psychopathic behavior patterns.
Additional Resources and Guidelines
• Since the ecclesiastical investigation goes well beyond behavior to the level of trying to assess character and personality patterns, it will be helpful for the district’s investigation to obtain a counselor’s assessment using tools such as the MMPI-2, MMPI-3, and the Millon (which measures imbedded personality styles). These instruments should be looked at for issues such as excessive dominance, narcissism, and a high need for affection/attention.
• In addition to witness testimony, listening to sermons and reviewing writings of the accused may inform the ecclesiastical investigation.
• A major issue is the accused’s willingness to submit to ecclesiastical authority and correction. Is the minister willing to be teachable? Can he/she honestly look at areas in which they are not self-aware?
• Spiritual abuse does not always appear when someone assumes the role of pastor in the pulpit. Often, a pattern of behavior develops over time. To that end, it is encouraged to do a thorough investigation of the accused to determine how this behavior has been exhibited in other settings (e.g., in their marriage, as a parent, with coworkers, teachers).
• Look also for a fake-good profile* in which a person is attempting to portray themselves as more virtuous than is warranted.
Glossary
Control – This goes beyond pastoral guidance and biblical correction. It includes using power or influence over another person to conform to the controlling person's needs or desires. The leader uses manipulation and coercion in a way that does not empower the believer to hear from God directly. Examples include overprogramming so people cannot choose how to spend their time or make their own life decisions.
Love-Bombing – Love-bombing is a manipulative tactic often used at the beginning of relationships to gain control and dependence from a person. It involves overwhelming someone with excessive attention, affection, flattery, and gifts. While initially feeling like genuine affection, it's a calculated strategy to quickly establish a strong emotional bond and make the other person reliant on the love bomber. This tactic can be emotionally damaging and is frequently associated with individuals exhibiting narcissistic traits or other controlling behaviors.
Gaslighting – Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to make another person doubt their own perception of reality, memories, or feelings. It’s a tactic used to gain control over a victim, often leading them to question their sanity and become overly dependent on the abuser.
Fake-Good Profile – A fake-good profile refers to a persona or representation of oneself that is intentionally presented in a positive and favorable light, often by endorsing desirable traits and rejecting undesirable ones. This sometimes occurs when a person is taking an assessment, and there are scales on the MMPI-2 and Millon assessments that will pick this up on the validity scales.